I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
