3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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