guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
