Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
not ubering you a puppy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
