there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
