I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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