I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
