you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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