My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His hands were made for my vagina.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
