I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
