is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
