I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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