Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
