I wannas sexs uuuuu
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
