We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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