Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
