We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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