The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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