help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
