im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
