He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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