When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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