Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
