Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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