Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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