Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize