Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
