she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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