I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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