sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
