We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
