What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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