i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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