He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize