My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
