Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
