Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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