My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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