she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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