whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
