he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
send nudes
from the living room?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
