This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We left the knife in your bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
