I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize