god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
should my penis look like a turkey
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
