you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
