I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
