so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
