Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
