The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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