Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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