I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
