Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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