If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
