If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
