I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
