im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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