i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
