i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
