Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
