Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
