he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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