he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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